I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sorry my hands just texted you
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
