im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
