can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
