we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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