On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize