I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
