I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
