..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
