I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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