there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
