I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
