I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
