so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize