I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
