Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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