Plan B is the new Plan A
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
