I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
