Can i not drive my cunt home
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
