I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
50% drunk capacity currently
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
