im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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