Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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