I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Of course I have a pirate flag
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
