He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
