why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
