What a fucking waste of an outfit
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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