I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
