i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
