I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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