I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
