she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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