we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
