No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
