whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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