i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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