I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize