Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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