just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
