guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
