I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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