Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
