Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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