I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
