watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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