just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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