"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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