You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
