just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
