hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
