I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
