I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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