we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
3 2 1 whiskey
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
