at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
