i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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