FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
