Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
