i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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