Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
