my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
