Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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