This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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