Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm like, not good at living.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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