I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
