If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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