Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
