Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
