Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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