Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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