I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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