We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
