So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
