Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
