'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
