Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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